On Swedish Wildlife (Swedish Notes #1)

We begin this series of notes on our great and beautiful neighbor to the Northeast, deep in the Swedish countryside, the true heart and soul of Sweden.

A generous and benign Providence has seen fit to gift Sweden with more than its share of lovely flora and fauna. And in most cases you will find the wildlife to be a pleasant part of your experience in this charming country. Of the larger wild game, you will certainly encounter the “Cow.” This ferocious creature bears little resemblance to its mild, domesticated cousin, found in most civilized countries, with which the reader may be familiar.

A companion and I once found ourselves in a field surrounded by a gang of angry looking cows, Swedish cows. They moved in. I could tell that they had been drinking. It was starting to look like an ugly situation. These beasts can tear a man apart with their bare hooves, and digest him in any one of their four stomachs. And then cough him back up, and chew him, and then digest him again. Suddenly, the biggest, meanest looking cow moved closer. He looked at me. I looked at him. Our eyes met. Neither of us moved. Suddenly, before I could react, his tongue shot out and licked me from head to toe. I was wet. And gooey. But I had survived.


Gang of cows, near the scene of the attack.